Sometimes it takes a fog to see the sun ...the fog is slowly burned away and the sun beams down offering a warmth ...a sense of clarity.
For those that have taken the time to get to know me ...clarity is extremely important to me. As my marriage fell apart and eventually ended...it became obvious to me that I could not continue on in my life without some sense of direction ...not just any sense of direction but a clear and uncompromising sense of clarity ...
The past few weeks have seen the fog slowly burned away by a sun that I had not known existed.
Conversation and the knowledge that comes from a good sip of scotch shed clarity on my life to a degree that I have not felt before.
Conversation cannot happen on its own ...and I thank her daily now for allowing me into her life ...allowing her to burn the fog away ...and allowing her to be the warmth of a new sun ... to provide the clarity to move on.
I want life more than ever now ...I need life more than ever now and I want to share my life more than ever now.
Clarity ...the fog burns away ...I can see and feel again ...and I will never love the conversations more than I can now.
Thank you my friend...
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Life has a Knack ....
Been a tough year ...but the latter half much more enjoyable than the first.
Shedding the past can be difficult because in reality you never can. You have to accept what has happened and deal with the outcomes. This past year has taught me many things about myself ...my friends and my family.
I am stronger now ...more focused on what I want out of life ...no more compromising goals and ambitions. My friends have shown who they are and although the list is smaller than I want it to be ....they know who they are and what they mean to me. My kids ...well they rock ...they have handled the split like the true grown-ups a parent wants their offspring to become.
Love enters stage right ...and sends your remorse and depressed attitude out stage left ...it can sneak up on you and kick you in the ass like you never knew.
So all in all ....life has a knack of sorting itself out ...no more self pity ...no more avoiding the obvious ...life is too short ...
Shedding the past can be difficult because in reality you never can. You have to accept what has happened and deal with the outcomes. This past year has taught me many things about myself ...my friends and my family.
I am stronger now ...more focused on what I want out of life ...no more compromising goals and ambitions. My friends have shown who they are and although the list is smaller than I want it to be ....they know who they are and what they mean to me. My kids ...well they rock ...they have handled the split like the true grown-ups a parent wants their offspring to become.
Love enters stage right ...and sends your remorse and depressed attitude out stage left ...it can sneak up on you and kick you in the ass like you never knew.
So all in all ....life has a knack of sorting itself out ...no more self pity ...no more avoiding the obvious ...life is too short ...
Monday, January 31, 2011
Swooosh
Time passes ...and since this is my blog and source of rant, rave, or image....so be it.
Been way busy letting life beat me up ...heels are dug in ... feeling the fight.
Be back with a new outlook soon.... just have to clear the anger.
Been way busy letting life beat me up ...heels are dug in ... feeling the fight.
Be back with a new outlook soon.... just have to clear the anger.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Winter Weary
I used to love winter ...looked forward to it more than any other season. I'm sure I am in a very disturbing minority but I am Canadian and love to be outdoors in the mountains after a fresh snowfall in bright sunlight and crystal clear skies ...
But this winter is different ...
Storm after storm.
Blowing and snowing.
Not much sunlight and not enough trips to the rocks ...
I am tired ...maybe the divorce and all that goes with it is the underlying reason I feel this way ...but I truly want to move on...free of the stress and anxiety.
The past couple days have been brutal weather wise ..
The snow, the cold and the wind ....have made life a challenge.
Spring will make it here eventually ...and I will once again have my camera in hand ...traveling the roads alone ...as I prefer ...hoping the the perfect photograph finds its way into my lens.
But for now ...I am weary ...
But this winter is different ...
Storm after storm.
Blowing and snowing.
Not much sunlight and not enough trips to the rocks ...
I am tired ...maybe the divorce and all that goes with it is the underlying reason I feel this way ...but I truly want to move on...free of the stress and anxiety.
The past couple days have been brutal weather wise ..
The snow, the cold and the wind ....have made life a challenge.
Spring will make it here eventually ...and I will once again have my camera in hand ...traveling the roads alone ...as I prefer ...hoping the the perfect photograph finds its way into my lens.
But for now ...I am weary ...
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Moving on....
Okay ...spent a couple days in silly pain from my back and the drugs caused me to sleep more than I wanted too ...so no posting ....probably a good thing.
Yesterday marked a very important milestone in my life as my ex and I finalized our separation agreement and the process to move onto our divorce in June is slowing moving forward.
Now with this milestone comes a wave of emotional response ...some I expected but some I didn't.
There was the wave of disappointment that after 30 years it had to come to this ...but there was also a huge sense of relief ...not the "I dodged a bullet" kind ...but more the sense of relief one feels when you realize that things are not as bad as they seem to be and the next step you take ...albeit a baby step ...is more positive then negative.
I am very lucky that my ex and I accomplished this with respect, dignity and mutual desire to be fair. We are still cohabitating in the same house ...a necessity until it sells. It can be awkward at times ...but the house is big enough we have our own space.
So ...moving on ...it's time and we both need to.
Yesterday marked a very important milestone in my life as my ex and I finalized our separation agreement and the process to move onto our divorce in June is slowing moving forward.
Now with this milestone comes a wave of emotional response ...some I expected but some I didn't.
There was the wave of disappointment that after 30 years it had to come to this ...but there was also a huge sense of relief ...not the "I dodged a bullet" kind ...but more the sense of relief one feels when you realize that things are not as bad as they seem to be and the next step you take ...albeit a baby step ...is more positive then negative.
I am very lucky that my ex and I accomplished this with respect, dignity and mutual desire to be fair. We are still cohabitating in the same house ...a necessity until it sells. It can be awkward at times ...but the house is big enough we have our own space.
So ...moving on ...it's time and we both need to.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
He shoots .....he scores ....he falls on his ass ...
Every Sunday morning for the past 15 years a group of grown adult men have met at a rink in NW Calgary to play some hockey. Over the years some newcomers have come and gone but the core group has remained...but it does mean that the core group is aging ....way faster than we all want to admit.
Today's skate ...the first after the onslaught of Christmas turkey and other goodies was a little slower than most other weeks ...but as enjoyable as always.
Hockey is a passion to so many of us who regardless of what level we played to as young men ...we just can't seem to give up. If you had told me 30 years ago I would still be playing every weekend at my current age ...I fear I may have laughed it off as highly impossible.
But there we were this morning going end to end still thinking we have speed and finesse ...still thinking our passes are tape to tape and still laughing as plays are made ...or not made ...depending on your point of view.
Today was just another typical day until the very end of the game ...just as the buzzer went to signify our ice time was over ...I caught an edge and fell on my ass. No issue ...no damage done ...or that's what I thought.
As I attempted to stand up my back spasmed and I could barely move.
The old hockey Gods had not smiled on me ...
I struggled out of my gear ...stood as best I could in the shower and then made my way home where a quick trip to the medicine cabinet provided me with the required pain killers.
Despite my momentary set back today, 2011 has to be the year I finally turn around my health issues. I need to focus on getting by all the distractions of the divorce and lose some weight ...eat healthier and rediscover my desire to be outdoors.
The pain I feel today simply reminds me that I am still alive.
And I love the fact that the game I love so much sent me a reminder ...to get of my ass and make it happen.
Today's skate ...the first after the onslaught of Christmas turkey and other goodies was a little slower than most other weeks ...but as enjoyable as always.
Hockey is a passion to so many of us who regardless of what level we played to as young men ...we just can't seem to give up. If you had told me 30 years ago I would still be playing every weekend at my current age ...I fear I may have laughed it off as highly impossible.
But there we were this morning going end to end still thinking we have speed and finesse ...still thinking our passes are tape to tape and still laughing as plays are made ...or not made ...depending on your point of view.
Today was just another typical day until the very end of the game ...just as the buzzer went to signify our ice time was over ...I caught an edge and fell on my ass. No issue ...no damage done ...or that's what I thought.
As I attempted to stand up my back spasmed and I could barely move.
The old hockey Gods had not smiled on me ...
I struggled out of my gear ...stood as best I could in the shower and then made my way home where a quick trip to the medicine cabinet provided me with the required pain killers.
Despite my momentary set back today, 2011 has to be the year I finally turn around my health issues. I need to focus on getting by all the distractions of the divorce and lose some weight ...eat healthier and rediscover my desire to be outdoors.
The pain I feel today simply reminds me that I am still alive.
And I love the fact that the game I love so much sent me a reminder ...to get of my ass and make it happen.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)